I thought I'd share my newlywed Christmas with the in-laws horror story with you. It's shameful. It's humiliating! It's caused me to need therapy.
When I was just a young bride, The Spy Who Loves Me took me to his Aunt Ruthie's house for Christmas dinner. Ruthie was fun. She was one of those "life of the party" kinda gals.
Ruthie was kind of fancy, too. She had a nice home with pretty stuff.
Ruthie was generous. She bought me my first set of Christmas dishes for a bridal shower gift, then for years my sweet Grandma Alyce added to the set every Christmas so that now I have a serving for twelve. How cool is that!
Getting back to Ruthie and my Christmas horror story, there I was at fancy Aunt Ruthie's house, making my way around the buffet table, choosing what I thought looked good to eat. I made a fatal mistake that night. I chose something dark. Something small and dark. It looked harmless. So I put one of the somethings on my plate.
I went over to the couch and sat down by The Spy (remember, we were newlyweds, we always sat by each other...always!) and said in a quiet voice, pointing to the small dark thing, "What do you think this is?" The Spy looked into my eyes (remember, we were newlyweds, we were in love, we gazed into each others eyes regularly) and he said, "It's a date wrapped in bacon." How on earth The Spy knew this I'll never know. He doesn't know much about food. But he is, after all, a spy, so I guess he just knows stuff.
Anywho, my palms became clammy and I began to break out in a cold sweat! I had NEVER heard of such a thing. A date wrapped in bacon. That's just about the freakiest food combination I had ever heard of. What on earth was I to do? Remember, I was a newlywed! I was still trying desperately to make a good impression. I couldn't act like I didn't like something that they had prepared. I was in a tizzy!
Then, just as luck would have it, I looked down and there, right next to me, was a trash can. All I had to do was look around, make sure no one was watching, and drop the small dark thing into the can. Problem solved. Or so I thought.
Here's where the horror happened. I covertly glanced around the room, grabbed the little dark thing with my bare hands, and dropped it into the can. Believe me when I tell you that little dark thing made the loudest sound hitting the bottom of the trashcan that you can ever imagine. Here's the problem...the trashcan was metal and completely empty. There wasn't a single thing in it! And, that small dark thing, well, it was very hard, so when it hit the bottom, it made a sound that was heard throughout the room! Most likely it was heard throughout the entire neighborhood! Everyone turned around and asked, "What was that?"
The story ends here. I blanked out. I have post traumatic stress syndrome. I vaguely remember someone looking down into the can and seeing the little dark thing down at the bottom, all by itself, and me sitting next to it, my entire face as red as Rudolph's nose. It wasn't my best moment. And although that was nearly 30 years ago, I remember it like it was yesterday.
I still say that dates and bacon were never meant to be together. They are an odd pair. Don't try to convince me otherwise. Bacon should be on a plate with pancakes and dates should be with nuts in bread. Speaking of which, I need to share my Grandma Alyce's Date Nut Bread Recipe with y'all. It's so good. Not like those nasty little dark things!